BOOK REVIEW
And How Does That Make You Feel?
Everything you ever never wanted to know about therapy
To begin with…
In a nutshell this book is an honest insight into the world of a therapist, well certainly in my experience, at least after 20 years of practicing. Joshua Fletcher has written a wonderful book that invites the reader into the inner workings of a therapist. Busting the myth that we counsellors/therapists have our act together, we don’t, but we are quite good at owning it and are committed to working on it, always wanting to model the importance of taking personal responsibility for oneself.
“Therapists haven’t got everything worked out, we are flawed
we have our vices, and we constantly work on our own
personal stuff” – J.Fletcher
Joshua shares his journey with 4 clients, Daphne, Levi, Noah & Zara and takes us on a behind the scenes tour of a counsellor’s mind in response to his clients and himself. Woven throughout the book is some of his personal journey with grief and he takes some brave steps in sharing parts of his journey that he would have preferred didn’t happen, SPOILER ALERT, such as taking drugs in front of a former client.
Why did I pick this book up?
I devoured this book after having a conversation with another professional whom I had not met before, and we were discussing reading lists for students. She mentioned this book and all the fuss that was being made about it on social media. Counselling Facebook groups were in mass debate with a mixture of love for the book, whilst others were not so happy with the revelations shared. I was therefore instantly intrigued and downloaded the audiobook. I often struggle to listen to counselling books, so I pressed play tentatively and was laughing within 4 mins, so I knew this was going to work for me.
So how was it?
I laughed a lot throughout this book, particularly when I was hearing anecdotes that mirror my own experiences, one that got a real roar was the toppling stack of Therapy Today magazines (the monthly journal from the BACP), which Joshua had the best of intentions in reading, I hear you Joshua and thank you.
There were several moments where I became aware that I was holding my breath as he reflects on his personal life in response to some of his clients’ disclosures. Then came tears during a very personal moment that Joshua shares with us, welcoming us into his pain and sadness, which is brave and again shows us the human side of him.
Joshua is explicit that he wants to dispel the myths that counsellors are experts, we have not trained to be counsellors/psychotherapists and have it all figured out now, holding worldly wisdom which we keep to ourselves and await you to figure it out for yourselves whilst charging for the pleasure.
“Therapists aren’t as scary, or holier than though as you
might have feared. I promise there is not some
omnipotent know it all waiting for you on the other side of the
therapy room door” – J.Fletcher
Woven throughout the book is the honest truth of how I experience being a therapist, the multiple internal voices, debating how to respond to others and as the counsellor always searching for the all-important empathic and congruent response. I found this a true comfort, instant recognition of the internal process, trying to manage ones blocks to listening, striving for self-awareness, and knowing when and how to park our personal response whilst simultaneously drawing from our experience in service of the client.
Controversy
Whilst there has mostly been a lot of love for this book there are a few noted concerns, mostly around how much client information is shared and how exposing the book is of the clients in addition to some questionable disclosures around conduct. With regards to conduct I see no need to jump on a soap box about professionalism with the whole point of the book being to highlight that we’re all human.
As for the client content, there are many books that refer to client content, of course there are, but I must believe that consent is always sought and as much as possible is done to protect the client’s anonymity Ideally when we make reference to clients, whilst we can state that we have not quoted anything identifiable we must ensure that our aim is that they would not recognise themselves in what we have written.
Joshua is clear that he has endeavoured to ensure confidentiality has been maintained, he has even sought legal advice, which is basic smarts when publishing a book to the public.
“all characteristics have been scrambled and anonymised,
clinical supervision and legal consultation, the only
questions for other therapists will be, can the client identify
themselves” – J.Fletcher
Final word
I have recommended this book to both counselling colleagues and personal friends. Colleagues have enjoyed the book much in the same way I did. Friends were intrigued and possibly reassured by the text; however, they did find some of content more uncomfortable.
My only note is with regards the title on the title. I spend a lot of time in the classroom telling students to refrain from using the word make. I definitely bang the drum that no one can make us feel anything, others will behave in their own way, and we are responsible for our reaction to this, we cannot be forced/made to feel anything (and before we start arguing the onus here is on adults not children). Therefore, any variation of the same question without the word ‘make,’ removes the idea that someone else is in control, aiming for client empowerment always.
Ok you have my attention, where can I find it?
Listen on Spotify (other listening platforms are available 😉)
https://open.spotify.com/show/2mQXxlLrjpLfxm1tThRBpy?si=372bfa98d2604e1c
Purchase here for paperback, kindle or audible.
You’ve read it?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, drop us an email