STARTING COUNSELLING
Trying to find a counsellor is not as easy as it might sound or as easy as you would hope it would be. A big factor for most people is of course the cost, the waiting list for mental health support from the NHS has overwhelming stats and we hear of very long waiting lists on a regular basis but I wonder if this depends on where you live in the UK, I am aware of several people in Kent who have reached out to their GP and have been referred and assessed in about 4-6 weeks, which whilst not ideal, is actually really good when accessing a free service. One of few positives to come out of the pandemic is the movement of counselling and therapy into the online world. Covid forced therapists to update their skills for working by telephone or online and as a result talking therapy is more readily available and accessible, wonderful!
Putting cost to one side there are 5 areas that I feel everyone needs to think more about when looking for a counsellor for themselves or a loved one. I sometimes hear about ‘bad therapy’, but this is rare. More often than not someone will give it a go, which is not always easy, especially when we might think about it long before picking up the phone or writing an email, but all too often people don’t like the first session and walk away from not only the counsellor but from counselling. My hope is that people will read this and feel more inclined to give counselling another go if it doesn’t work first time.
“it’s all too easy to have a professional looking site with false
testimonials, stating that you offer counselling, an individual
can look like they are a counsellor when they are not in fact
qualified”
#1 – Qualification
My number one top tip when looking for a counsellor is ensuring they are qualified or at least to know where they are in their studies. I’ve had the privilege or supervising many trainee counsellors who do outstanding work with their clients. So, this tip needs to be broken down into three categories, please pay close attention to point 3;
1 – If you are seeing a counsellor on the NHS, they will have been interviewed, assessed, vetted, CRB checked, they will have had to evidence their qualifications, had letters of recommendation or references and will have been inducted into the service.
2 – If you are seeking counselling from a low-cost service, e.g. your local Mind branch, you could be seen by a qualified or trainee counsellor. Again you have the reassurance that your counsellor will have had to apply for their post, be interviewed and inducted, they will be having regular supervision and all appropriate professional insurance will be in place. Ethically, a trainee counsellor needs to be explicit about their stage of training, there is a possibility your need is beyond their level of ability but I have only seen this happen a few times and clients are referred back into the service or a referral can be made to another more appropriate service, e.g. A bereavement service like Cruse.
3 – This is the important one. If you are paying to see a counsellor privately it’s very important that you check their level of qualification. Counselling is not a regulated profession which means training providers can be colourful in the language they use for their qualifications. Back in the day (minus 20 years) there was the problem of individuals advertising in the yellow pages as offering counselling but these people were not Counsellors, as long as they weren’t saying they were (when they weren’t) then there was no ethical breach, basically a loop hole was found and these people are cowboys. However, unlike a cowboy plumber who could cause water damage we’re talking about cowboy “mental health professionals” who could cause damage to one’s emotional and mental state. Fast forward to today and it’s all too easy to have a professional looking site with false testimonials, stating that you offer counselling, an individual can look like they are a counsellor when they are not in fact qualified.
What to look out for, a counsellor will have trained for four years, they need to have had a minimum of 600 classroom hours, overall they will have studied for over 1500 hours, reading, researching, writing assignments etc.
Please ensure you ask about qualifications, you are well within your rights, when you are handing over your hard-earned cash, to double check they are qualified and how the qualification has been accredited, you could also check if the awarding body are Ofqual (Office of Qualifications and Examinations Regulation) regulated.
#2 – Modality
There are hundreds of different types of modality in counselling, modalities have evolved through the ages, from the Freud’s findings and the men who challenged his beliefs, to Carl Rogers and Maslow’s humanistic views, also taking into account developments in neuroscience and of course understanding how our world has changed socially and economically.
The key thing you need to know is there is no ‘one size fits all’. Yes, there are some modalities that are better suited to some needs/problems more than others. For example acute anxiety can be worked with really well using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) while more relational entanglements can be unravelled through a Psychodynamic approach.
I won’t start listing all the different approaches and what works best for what issue (maybe that’s another blog post at a later date) as it is not that simple. The key point to highlight in Tip #2 is that if the therapy approach is not working for you. Don’t give up on counselling, find someone with a different approach and see if that works. A bit like buying clothes, try things on for size and if you’re not feeling it, try something else, most importantly don’t walk away, find what fits in order to help you best.
#3 – Personal/Personality
I wasn’t sure what to title this one as it is more personal to you. You could be seeing someone how has been a therapist for 20+ years, several qualifications, thousands of client hours having helped hundreds of clients throughout their career. This CV does not mean they will be right for you. It means they could be. The CV won’t list the other hundred clients who went to one session and didn’t go back for another.
If you meet a counsellor and it simply doesn’t feel right, whilst that will be disappointing, as stated in #2, don’t let this put you off counselling altogether. Look for someone who feels right, that you feel comfortable with, this is so important for the work to get off to the best start possible. Like above when I referred to clothes shopping, you could think of it like test driving a car. Go and see a few counsellors and make an informed choice on who you want to work with. Empower yourself from the beginning, it will be an important positive step in looking after yourself well.
#4 – Boundaries
This is the number one area that makes me wince when I listen to clients, students or supervisees talk about “professionals” they have seen that do not maintain boundaries. Whilst the counselling world is more flexible as we navigate the digital age that we live in, there are some fundamental basics that must be maintained. Rather than list the main boundaries (please email us if you’re unsure about this one) take note that if you feel uncomfortable, if your spidey sense tingles and it doesn’t feel good, it means a boundary might be being pushed.
Counsellors need to maintain professional boundaries, they are not potential new friends, despite how certain you are you would get on like a house on fire, I’m sure you would, but that has to remain a fantasy in order to honour the professional relationship being offered. Recent horror stories I have heard are a client coming away from a first session knowing how many kids their counsellor had, their ages and that they have family dog who’s poorly. Even more unsettling was the news of a counsellor who offered their services in return for labour; gardening, dog walking etc.
When you start working with your counsellor they will discuss a very clear working contract with you and may well get your to sign one. Usually sessions are once a week, more than this would need to be agreed/contracted and reviewed. Contact out of session should ideally only be to cancel or rearrange a session, your counsellor is not your mental health hotline. Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 and if you are in crisis you need to call 999.
“it’s ok to move on and find someone else, above all, don’t give
up on getting the right support for yourself”
#5 – Benefit
Ideally your counsellor will check in with you on how you are finding the sessions. What’s useful and what’s not. Have the agreed goals changed in anyway, checking in on the focus of the work together. If sessions have become a chit-chat, it’s important to consider the therapeutic benefit. What are you getting out of the session, if you have achieved your goal but enjoy the sessions (who wouldn’t love to have another undivided attention for an hour a week?) it’s probably time to discuss what it would be like to end, as sad, disappointing or scary as that may seem, it is an important part of the work.
There are great resources for looking into finding a counsellor
Remember, check qualifications, you are not offending anyone by asking. If you don’t feel like it’s for you or that it’s not working, consider that this could be down to the modality the counsellor uses or it could be more personal, but it’s ok to move on and find someone else, above all, don’t give up on getting the right support for yourself. What saddens me the most is the number of people who are brave enough to give it a go and when it doesn’t feel right they think it’s not for them and essentially give up on themselves. Don’t give up on yourself ever, get what you need and if you’re not happy, look for it in another professional.